Singles Dating Forum: Online Dating Relationships Advice: Age 24 And Soon To Be A Single Parent... - Singles Dating Forum: Online Dating Relationships Advice

Hello there! Heh this is a first post for me as well as a real first chance to get this off my chest. It may be a lot to read but please allow me to start from the beginning.

My wife and I first got together in the beginning of last year, she had recently broken up with her boyfriend and some how or another we had gotten together. Things moved at a rather quick pace, I ended up staying with her at her apartment a majority of the time since she almost never wanted to be alone and was in need of rides to work(amazingly enough she's 27 and doesn't drive ><). It wasn't anything really out of the ordinary giving her rides to work since I had been doing it for a few months prior to us getting together. Three months into our young relationship we discovered that she was pregnant with our now 11 month old baby girl. I had never had so many mixed feeling in my life when we had originally found out but it was nothing short of a blessing.

She kept working at her job for as long as she could before it became too much of a pain for her to do her daily duties. When mid July rolled around we had made the decision to get hitched, looking back at it now this may have been a bad decision heh. We got married October 13th, and in all honesty, it was one of the best days of my life, only falling short to the birth of my daughter. December rolls around and our daughter is born, everything at this point is great, and all we can look forward to is our days to come as a family. The new year rolls in and a few months pass when I start my first quarter at Heald College to make a better life for my family. My wife starts working again at this point, essentially making me a stay at home dad as I attend classes at night and drive my wife to and from work. This routine continues up to September, Heald decided to throw me a real odd schedule which limited the amount of time that I essentially had to spend with my wife when she wasn't at work. She starts going out with friends on days that I have class and never wants to try to do anything on the days that I don't have class. I come to find out that almost all of the days that she was going out were with just her friend Tony.

Finding this out made me worry, my previous relationships never treated me too well when it came to trust, so of course going with what I had already experienced I became extremely jealous. I tried talking to her about it several times. The first few trying to come at it directly which just ended up in her getting pissed off and no longer wanting to talk. So I decided to take an alternate route, so I told her that I felt left out, that everything was planned when I was never able to attend. She got upset at this but not angry, but it didn't change anything. So once again I tried an alternate route. I asked her to go out with me on a saturday night, just the two of us, she refused saying that she had work the next morning and she didn't want to be tired. Normally I'd be fine with that, but she's able to be out until 2am with tony when she has to be up at 5am, yet going out with me till 11pm won't work? I dwelled on this for awhile, it just didn't seem right to me. November 21st was the fated day. I sat her down and had a talk with her, trying to figure out what the heck was going on. I couldn't get any answers out of her, so I straight out asked "Do you want to get a divorce?" and with no hesitation, she said yes. Of course this destroyed me, I asked if there was anything that we can do to try and make this work out and every time was "no, I'm tired of trying" and all I can think to myself, even at this point is "Where the *beep* was the trying?"

Two days had passed and she was already moving into a new apartment with her friend tony, this was like a knife in the back. Or atleast a twisting of the knife that she had already put there. I decided to ask her "Do you think we could make this work if we just took a break, forgot about the divorce and went to some marriage councling sessions?" She said yes right away, I was happy, she was willing to try to make this work. The next day something seemed to be off, and my suspicions were getting the better of me, I didn't feel like she was really going to try. So I asked "Are you going to be able to put 100% into this?" and like my suspicions were telling me she said no, she was back to not trying at all. In the span of 3 days my heart had been ripped out twice, only to be stepped on when she informed me that the place she was moving in to with tony was a small one bedroom. After talking to her over the past 2 1/2 weeks(I'm pretty good at being used T . T still drove her to work even after all that and still let her live with me while she packed things up, she actually stayed a week later then she was supposed to.) I've come to find out a lot of things.

She informed me that she had lost her love for me a long time ago, by a long time ago she meant while she was still pregnant with our child close to a year ago. When I had asked her was it before or after we got married she told me it was before. So now I'm left with the feeling of our entire marriage being a lie, how much of it was real? Was any of it? The reason that This post is being made so early is because tonight was the first night with her not being here. I couldn't sleep, and stumbled across this forum. Heh, I know that this post is most likely scattered and may be hard to pull anything from, but with a million thoughts flowing through my mind it's the best that I could do. The saddest part about all of this, is I still love her, I still want to give the world to her, but she has left me with nothing to hold on to.

Dear Sosei

What has happened to you is really quite horrendous. I really sympathize with your predicament. It makes a person think that each time that one person is rejected by another (somewhere around the globe) that whilst it's bad that it can also be an indirect blessing in disguise. It is sometimes better for things to be ended early in a relationship rather than later.

Your situation unfortunately exemplifies a worst case scenario. You got married to a woman who despite her feelings decided to go ahead anyway. I'm guessing that the reason that she did it was so that the child could have a dad. Her reference to "being tired of tiring" would have supposedly started from the day that you got married. What she failed to realize was that getting married in the legal sense does not constitute trying. A successful marriage takes a lot of hard work and it won't work if both aren't committed to the effort.

Unless something happens which causes her and Tony to break apart then you are going to have a tough time trying to win her back. Even if they do break up be careful about letting her back in. Just because she may come back to you does not mean that things will improve. If you want someone to love then love your baby girl. Focus all your attention and love on her. Make sure that as she grows up that you have that strong fatherly connection with her. Despite the fact that your marriage did not start of on a good foot it does not mean that it wasn't real. You tried to do the right thing by getting married even though this did not work.

You need to learn how to rationalize things in your mind of what you can control instead of what you can't. For example if you keep on thinking about thoughts of "her not loving you before you got married" it will eat you up on the inside. Don't think about her actions but rather of your own. You should be thinking of the things that you tried to do in order to make this work. To think about how you are going to raise your daughter and so forth.

You should definitely be proud of your efforts in taking care of her and your baby. You can only try your best in this world and this is what you did. Take strength from that because when you find the right girl then she will be lucky indeed. You did the right thing by coming on this forum and airing your concerns, continue to discuss your feelings with people who are supportive and whom you can trust. Being burned by someone whom you love/like hurts like *beep* but you will survive and learn to love again. It just takes time.

All the best - Bud.